You Think You Know...

Sometimes I wish I had horrible relationships with people that I'm actually really close with and care about. If I did, then I'd drain my bank account, buy some cowboy boots (that I'd only take off to shower, sleep, and sex), call him up and run away. Ask him to marry me, he'd say yes of course. We'd get married on the dunes, me in a white sundress and my boots, him in black dickies and his boots. I know it wouldn't work though. I'm not in love with him anymore. If only though, if only.

I need new friends. Mine suck.

she always knows just what to say to make me feel like a failure and insignificant. i think i'm going to spend the rest of the night curled up in a ball crying.

I got negative test results today! Now all I have to do is get my gallbladder removed and I'll be good as new, minus a part.

I'm feeling super ADD right now with my ipod. I need to take off a good number of songs from my ipod, and add some. I keep switching songs within the first 30 seconds of the song. I'm excited about my schedule next semester. Its a LOT more condensed than this semester. I'm only excited about one class though, and that's photography. It will be my first real creative outlet in monthssssssss. I got my tragus pierced and I love it! I also went to the Army/Navy Surplus store yesterday. I fell in love. I want to go back with money so I can actually buy things. Oh yea, I'm pretty sure I'm getting sick again. I never really update because I never know what to say...

I cried a lot and forcefully tonight because I've finally stopped lying to myself about why I'm not as happy as I've been. My eyes have that almost dried out feeling to them and my throat's kinda sore from coughing. I feel better now though. I'm going to make lists, as I love to make lists, about me and what makes me happy and a whole bunch of other things.
I'm done with acrylic nails. I want healthy nails. Instead of spending fifteen bucks every three weeks on a fill, I'm going to buy a bottle of nail polish and do my own nails instead. It's also smarter economically. I'm trying to save money. It isn't very easy.
I'm watching Kill Bill on tv, which kinda sucks since they take out/voice over all the good parts. Which reminds me that I should add The Departed to my birthday/Christmas list. I got fancy-ish this year with my list. I used hyperlinks for everything so people know exactly what I want. When I say people, I mostly mean my dad.
I really really really want to repaint my room. It doesn't have a cohesive feel to it at all. I really need a creative outlet. I miss my photo and ceramics classes that I took in high school. I think I might get some canvas from the craft store and do some paintings to hang in my room. Who knows though.

I'm really bored, and sleepy, and hungry. I've been playing spider solitaire for hours. I should be doing homework, but I'm not. Oh yea I wanna go to California too.

So I have a crack in my windshield and I need to have it replaced, but I'm nervous about calling the insurance company because I don't know what to say so I've been putting it off for about 2 months now. I think I'll talk to my mom about it tonight and see what she says.

I need to break up with my boyfriend. He has become clingy and overbearing and over protective and I don't like it. At all. I want my Utah patch though. I don't really trust him to send it to me after we break up. So I guess I'm waiting on that. I also have to get my stuff from his house and give him back the stuff of his that I have.

My room and car are a mess but I don't have the motivation to clean either one. I did put away my clothes though, but I still haven't put sheets back on my bed.

I need money and a job. I also need to get my nails done. My birthday is in 1 month and 2 weeks. So I'll be getting money soon! To bad I owe my dad 100 some odd dollars. :/

I've had more medical issues in the past 3 months than I've had my whole life.
I have gallstones. At eighteen. I have to have my gallbladder surgically removed a week before Christmas.
I had an a-typical lady issue, which I'm still waiting on the results for.
And now I currently have tonsillitis.

Yay. Go me.
:[

So Friday night, my best friend and I went to TD's, a local and (typical) college bar, and met up with a friend of her's and his friend. I spent the night dancing with his friend, who's 6'4", 14 inches taller than me. I actually have to look up to talk to him. Dancing with him was turning me on! Needless to say, I had a good time so I put my number in his phone. I was pleasantly surprised when he texted about a half hour later (since I was fully expecting the three day rule), asking to hang out again the next night. So we all met up again on Saturday night at TD's. It was a bit awkward at first but that quickly changed once we started dancing again. While we were dancing I kissed him, and he kissed me back. We continued dancing (and kissing) the rest of the night. When my friend and I left he walked me to the car and bent down (remember the 14 inch height difference) and gave me a tight hug. I texted him this afternoon asking if he'd help my friend with trig since we kinda talked about that last night, but he hasn't texted me back. I know it was obvious that I was into him. So here are my questions: 1. Is he in to me? 2. If so, is he now waiting the three days before contacting him again? 3. WHAT SHOULD I DOOOOOO???????????

I'm going to St. Augstine tomorrow afternoon with the bestie. I think I'll try and find my mom's stash in the morning. Or maybe a head shop in St. Augstine. Oh yea, I wanna go back out West. I also want to go on a road trip like now. Anyone wanna join me?

i'm not happy; i haven't been for awhile. i know how to change that but at the same time i don't. i need an unbiased shoulder to cry on, but i don't have one.

i want a girl friends with benefits.

I have four hours in between my two classes at East Campus. Today I sat outside, in the shade of course. My lovely Irish heritage decided that I should get a pretty decent sunburn for enjoying the breezy weather. Fabulous. Oh, and my mom can't even keep a cordon bleu in the oven long enough to look it all the way through. What a wonderful day. At least I can sleep in tomorrow.

and I assume that people who read my entries care (to some extent) about what I think. So here are my thoughts:

• I think clothes are over rated. I'd rather wear nothing at all; plus it'd be a lot cheaper.
• Improper grammar really grinds my gears; if I don't correct it out loud, then I'm definitely doing it in my head.
• I struggle with spelling words correctly on the first try.
• I have seven piercings, and plan on making it eight. I'll let you guess where they are, and where the final one will be.
• I have three tattoos; each done in a different city, the last one was done at Precious Slut in Las Vegas, where "Sluts R People 2" I have at least four more tattoos planned. The only thing keeping me from getting them is my lack of money.
• My lack of money is due mostly to my lack of motivation to find a job. It is also due to people canceling the babysitting jobs that I do get.
• I have gallstones at the tender age of eighteen and will have to have my gallbladder removed in the days preceding Christmas.
• I have a burning desire to go back to Las Vegas and live there for at least a month. The landscape is beautiful and diverse; not at all like Florida.
•   <-- Looking down from the highest point in Death Valley.
• <-- Coral sand dunes in Zion National Park.
• The pictures don't do it justice.

I'm always the one waiting. I wait for everyone and its starting to get to me. I'm not the kind of person who confronts others, but I really need/want to change this. Advice Please, from anyone and everyone.

In the past four years, I've gotten more confrontational and less timid. I have the desire to hit a Lot of people, mostly people I went to school with and some family members. I need to blow off steam, hopefully I'll get to shot some guns off this week or at least have some raging sex, both preferably.

I'm tired of the life I'm living;
I'm tired of my best friend bitching;
I'm tired of my mom always instructing;
I'm tired of feeling like I'm always whining.

I feel like crying more and more lately, which in turn makes me feel weak and I hate feeling weak. My best friend is a hypocrite. She complains about my boyfriend crashing our plans for the fourth, even though, when she had a boyfriend, he crashed our hang outs All The Time. And because I hate confrontation, I never said anything; instead I chose to keep everything bottled up inside, until it explodes, like a volcano. Except I've been dormant for so long, that some might say I'm extinct. Only, I'm not. One more remark about me choosing him over her will be the plates shifting that cause this volcano to erupt.

For whatever reason this is the only thing I feel is really note worthy of today:
I found my mom's pipes, as in more than one. I can't stop giggling. After 20 some old years, she's still tokin'. Once a stoner always a stoner. :] I love my mommy.

...made it over to Trav's in about half the time it should have taken me.
...figured out my arm muscles hurt from doing it doggie style.
...used my old old old cell phone because my current cell phone's charger decided to quit working.
...overheated my car, and shredded my fan belt in the process, with my lead foot on the way home from Trav's, sat on the side of I 4 for at least two hours waiting for AAA. Thankfully a Florida Highway Patrolman parked behind me for the latter half and basically made the tow truck come out because after an hour and a half, my call still wasn't processed. I currently am without car, which sucks especially since I have finals this week and want to be at school as little as possible. Hopefully we can find someone to fix it tomorrow and hopefully my dad will pay :]
cross your fingers pleaseeeeeeeeeeee